The Day I Stopped Trying to Be My Own Savior

Rejecting the "self-made" lie to find a strength that isn't my own.

The End of My Own Strength

I sat on that plane with tears in my eyes. It was only a week after two crashes. One happened less than a mile from my home. Usually, I am the person who tries to figure things out on my own. I like to be the one people lean on. But as that engine hummed and the ground disappeared, my self-reliance went with it. I just prayed. I prayed the entire flight. I knew then that I had reached the end of my own strength.

This year was not a walk in the park. It was uncomfortable. It was anxious. It was, at times, completely overwhelming. I felt like I was being stretched in every direction at once. I stepped out of my comfort zone at work, moving from behind the scenes to a client-facing role that felt like foreign territory. I had family situations where I needed to be a shoulder for others while trying to manage the weight of my own heart.

Most of all, I moved toward God. And sometimes, that felt like leaving others behind. It felt like we were moving in different directions. Growth can be a very lonely thing.

Listening Over Planning

God didn’t arrive with a grand announcement. He showed up in the stillness. He met me in the morning, before the world could get its hands on me.

I went from trying to control every outcome to being obedient. I started asking for patience and peace before I even walked out the door. Day by day, I learned to listen for the next step instead of trying to map out the next ten miles.

There were so many moments where I just had to say, God, I need your strength to get through this day. I can’t do this alone.

And never once did He leave me.

He reminded me daily that it is already done. He showed me that the outcomes I thought I wanted weren’t always the right fit. I learned that when you stop trying to force the door open, you finally notice the one He already unlocked.

Pushing Against the Grain

Trusting God required me to accept that I am entering a new phase of life. It’s a major growth phase. It’s hard to watch others stay stagnant while you feel the pull to move. But it is always better to lead by example than to succumb to the “normal” way of doing things.

The world tells us to do more. It tells us to be strong. It tells us to handle everything alone.

I spent this year pushing back against the lie that I have to be my own savior.

Choosing faith made me feel different at first. It required outgrowing the rooms I used to stand in. But I’ve never been one to stay silent about the hard parts. Or the parts that finally gave me peace. People often think their blessings come from their own hands, but God deserves all the credit.

You need the roots before the rain. My survival this year wasn't luck. It was the result of every "no" I said to my old habits when no one was watching.

The Person Who Remained

I am not the same person I was in January. I am less reactive now. Whatever the situation is, my first thought is, let’s pray about it. There is no need to stress. I finally realized that anxiety isn't the life He designed for me.

He taught me how to rest. He taught me how to shut my brain off when it wants to keep working. He showed me that He is stronger than any human effort.

This year didn’t break me, but it did test and strengthen my faith. I feel a new kind of confidence. It isn’t a loud confidence. It’s a quiet reassurance that if it is in His will, it will be done.

If you are quietly struggling, I want you to know that He knows more about you than you do. He sees the flaws and the struggles. He sees you when you feel invisible. It is okay to be vulnerable with Him. It is okay to have an honest, accountable conversation with the One who made you.

What He is capable of is far beyond what our little minds can imagine. You just have to be patient. You have to know that He is always on time.

You don’t have to carry the weight of your world. You were never meant to.

What is the one thing you’ve been trying to handle alone that you’re finally ready to hand over?